NO FOOTBALL, NO PROBLEM? THE ULTIMATE SUMMER SURVIVAL GUIDE

What do we do now then? If you’re anything like us, summertime can be a strange one. The best of times, the worst of times. Good because: beer gardens, festivals, holidays, and it’s not already dark at 3.30pm. Bad because: no football.

Without the anchor of a Saturday awayday or midweek Champions League session, the week threatens to float away completely, potentially ending up somewhere unfamiliar and unsettling, like B&Q or clothes shopping with the missus. In the barren summers without a World Cup or Euros to get stuck into, this feeling only intensifies. It can be a tough few months for the lads.

But fear not, we’ve got you covered (as always). Here we present three survival strategies to help you make it through to mid-August, or slightly earlier if you’re lucky enough to follow a League One or Two side. These are only suggestions – we can’t guarantee to stave off a sudden yearning to hear Gary Neville’s voice on a Monday night, or promise you won’t find yourself boarding a train to Hull at 7.30am with a bag full of cans just to feel something. But if things go well, you’ll sail through to the Community Shield. If they don’t, well, stay strong and we’ll see you on the other side.

1: KEEP WATCHING FOOTBALL

There is, of course, always some football happening somewhere, even in the June-July dead zone. This summer is far from a complete writeoff in terms of tournaments, with the expanded Club World Cup taking place in the US and the Wom- en’s Euro 2025 in Switzerland.

It’s been hard to muster much enthusiasm for the Club World Cup, unless you’re a Chelsea fan desperate for the club
to scoop the £97m available for winning the trophy, or a Man City supporter buzzing to see new signings like Cherki and Reijnders for the first time. Reports of tickets being sold for as little as $4 before the opening game were unsurprising when you consider this tournament is, to most fans, a meaningless and fairly bizarre affair that exists simply to generate more cash for Gianni Infantino’s Fifa. But still, it’s summer, needs must. If you ended up watching the entire thing, we won’t judge you.

The Women’s Euros will compete for viewers with the latter stages of the CWC, but we’re not sure this clash is going to hinder the women’s event. There’s a lot to be said for a traditional tournament with a simple format, teams you’ve heard of, and a trophy that actually means something. A fair bit of intrigue surrounds Sarina Wiegman’s Lionesses this time, with a tough group draw for the reigning European champions and big names like Mary Earps opting out just before the tourna- ment. Here’s hoping for another summer of Sweet Caroline and Alessio Russo backheels.

2: DON’T WATCH ANY FOOTBALL, BUT OBSESS ABOUT IT ANYWAY

We’ve all got a mate who spends the summer talking, thinking and posting about football non-stop, despite the new sea- son being months away. This guy becomes an international transfer expert (he’s basically Fabrizio Romano by mid-July), a number cruncher supreme, an authority on experimental formations from Portugal and the oracle on the competing philosophies of Serie B coaches. He knows the average xG of every team in the EFL over the last five years. He’s asking to hear your predicted Premier League table, including goal difference. He’s identified some promising starlets from the Belgian Pro League your club should definitely sign. He’s assembled a formidable looking Fantasy team and wants to help you put your squad together.

This fella’s summer passes in a haze of YouTube highlight reels, tabloid gossip and deep dives into hard data. With no actual games to function as a reality check, he’s free to indulge the wild dreamer’s impulse that exists within every fan. His imagination runs away with him, and suddenly everything – even the most dubious transfer rumour or underwhelming kit reveal – is taken as proof that a season of glory lies in store. We might once have told him to have a day off, but now we see this behaviour for what it is: an effective coping mechanism. His dreams may well be dashed by mid-September, his favourite new signing already ruled out for the season and the unknown manager he confidently labelled “the next Pep” given a one-way ticket back to the obscure European division he came from. But right now, in the midst of the silly sea- son? He’s a king.

3: PRETEND FOOTBALL DOESN’T EXIST

If you’ve ever fancied giving a completely new, football-free personality a trial run, the summer’s the perfect time. You could get really into tennis for Wimbledon. Or start following County Cricket. Or become a Formula 1 guy. These sunny months are just bursting with possibility. Maybe give up on sport entirely, start reading books and only watching foreign films. Spend the entire two months in the gym. Rent a supercar in Dubai and become a crypto investor. Go and live in a tent on the moors.

On second thoughts, perhaps don’t do any of these things if you still want to have mates. The point is, there are ways to go cold turkey on football and temporarily channel your energies into something else. It’s the total opposite of strategy two and it might seem extreme, but there are upsides. You won’t have to watch the Club World Cup, for one. Just don’t give all your M.A. gear away, yeah? – you’re gonna need it when the real you turns up again in August, ready to take a two-footed lunge into another nine months of euphoria, misery and mayhem. We’ll see you then.